How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I think your dad took our porno
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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