I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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