you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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