Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
