im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize