i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
