dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
