woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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