you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
