Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
