you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize