a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Drake has all the answers
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
