My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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