Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Randomize
