I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
