I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
