I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize