when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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