I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
as a side note pls kill me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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