sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
