I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
