Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
