There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
