I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
A bitchslap is in order.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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