she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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