you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
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