I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
