Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
