I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
