and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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