Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
