I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
