I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
