i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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