i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
