So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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