Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
