You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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