She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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