OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
