Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
