one might say we're banned from that church
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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