There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
