check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
