I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
