I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
