I want you more than these girls want KFC
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
