Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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