You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
we should paint friendship bongs
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
