Where is the hickey?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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