i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
