I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
