Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
