**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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