I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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