wakey wakey hands off snakey
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
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