I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I have aggressive nipples.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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