hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
