didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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