first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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