Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
