ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
