ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
