the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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