where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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