fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
