Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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