just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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