I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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