we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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