I haven't been this sober since birth.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
