There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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