I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
