so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She even gives head with a lisp.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
