3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My cat gives me a boner
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
