Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
