i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
