She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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