is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
