since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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