Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
