Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
