People in love make me want to vomit
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize