No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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